El Padre es una figura de enorme importancia para sus hijos....

Posted on June 01, 2010 at 11:19 am

I've never ever talked about these before, my dad died when I was ten, my mom and I came home after school to find him at home with an stomach ache, little we knew…

I'm so sorry I rolled my eyes at you when you were complaining of your pain, thinking you were being over dramatic when you said "I'm dying here", and I didn't know you were having a heart attack, and that that was going to be the last time I've ever see you alive, I'm so sorry, it hurts so much knowing my last gesture to you was a mocking one, I'm sorry dad, I love you so much.
For days I wouldn't believed it, I was so numb, i couldn't even cry, waiting to wake up from the nightmare, until one day I saw another man carrying her daughter in his shoulders, there it finally hit me: I would never have that in my life again, I had no Daddy anymore, my eyes blurred for the first time.

People always come with their lame comforting words, telling you'd live in my heart forever, and I hated them, because instead of you there was a void, an eternal silence between us, and the guilt because I couldn't even say goodbye to you.
Oh, how I missed you, and miss you still, you were always there to comfort me behind my moms back when she grounded me, you never laid a hand on me, and I think you only yelled at me once. I missed how you crawled to my bed each night growling like my pet wolf, to wish me a good night, our wrestling matches, and your silly stories, you were always a kid in disguise, and my friend. I wish you had been there when I was a teenager and I felt so ugly, so fat, so angry and misfit, I believe you'd have made me feel cherish and deserving to be loved no matter how. You liked me just the way I was, you always did, and how I needed it, filling up to moms standards was not, and is not easy, I still feel like a failure some days, although we love each other so much, but fathers are so consequent with their little girls, are they not?
It's until now, that I'm 34, and have my own daughter that I finally understand how it is that you live in me, because you taught me how to love and enjoy your children. Dad, my girl has your hands, you know. You used to tell me I had my grandpa's hands, I'll tell her the same.
I have no more fantasies about the man you were, now I know you were so far from perfect, my mom says you were not such a good husband, that you partied a lot, and would spent the money in drinks before bringing food to our home, we were so poor, and that she tried to leave so many times but couldn't do it because you loved us so much, and couldn't bear so part us from you.
I'm almost sure you'd have no answers to the eternal questions I'll have from life, you were only human, as lost as I am, just trying to cope. But, gosh, you loved me, and it felt so good, all I'll ever remember from you is that, that is your heritage to me. Thank you!!
I'll love you forever, daddy, I'll always miss you, and need you.

Until we meet again…

Escrito por mi Hermana Alma...